saved by fear

Oh where to begin. Often, the only time I have the chance to update this blog is really late at night... which could mean disastrously overtired thoughts tried being expressed in a blog OR hopefully something written that is quite clear and decent enough to understand!

So straight up.. here's the deal: in less than 2 weeks now, the staff here on project are leaving. This means that us 36 students are taking on the roles, we are forming the body about to continue the movement. Tonight, at our training night (which was AMAZING... it was about apologetics and how to go about dealing with tough questions, but not necessarily learning how to answer them rather than know how to focus on sharing the core of Christianity instead)... okay... so tonight was the big confirmation of everyone's new roles for Rocky Mountain Project 2006!
I was challenged to take on my role that I have last week by my discipleship group leader, but I had to spend a week praying about it. I decided to take on the challenge hoping that the cliff they're throwing me off is really only 2 feet rather than the 200 feet I'm thinking it's going to be.

.... So to cut to the chase, aaaak! I was scared for when everyone found out about my role tonight, and I'm scared even writing about it and telling people now. I feel inadequate for the role...a sense of immaturity still in my faith. Okay... I'll just write it... I've taken on the role of the Prayer Coordinator for this entire project. In such, I will be leading a prayer team and prayer leaders who will be facilitating prayer meetings. Apparently I will be leading and training people in how to lead an effective prayer meeting (I'll be learning myself as well!), and will be encouraging and moving this project along through prayer. Prayer is the heart of this project and the Bible is its food. This is such a crazy huge thing... now you can see why I feel inadequate for this position. I'm scared. I know the Holy Spirit will guide me... but at this point, I still feel like I've just jumped off a cliff. I'm free-falling. Only later on will I PERHAPS realize that I've only jumped that 2feet!

The picture: as you can see... is me on a horse riding it BAREBACK! Last weekend, we went to Pioneer Ranch Camp for a retreat.. it was awesome! Amazing speakers, quenched of great learning, beautiful area, good unique quiet times with God... and yeap... horseback riding! It was a really cold and rainy weekend, but Erin and I went swimming one morning at 7am... It was a good refreshing time! Oh.. some of us decided to do team building and 'initiative task' activities and one of them was a wall that we had to get all our team members over. There were 2 guys standing with their arms stretched out above their heads with their hands flat... and nonetheless... I was STANDING on their hands. Yes... way up high with no one holding onto me. I didn't realize the magnitude of my fear of heights until then. YIKES! I started falling backwards... my fingers barely were gripping the top of the wall. At one point, I was essentially hanging in mid air really high up only holding on with the tips of my fingers. I started freaking out... ie. almost yelling that I wanted to go down. I started freaking out more that I started crying... I basically fell a bit until I reached the people's outstretched arms. As soon as I felt their arms/hands holding me...I grabbed on for dear life and WAS NOT LETTING GO! I coudln't stop crying, my heart was racing, and I coudln't let go of those people! AAAAK ... my fear got more extreme and it twas revealed!

Work: It's going well. On Tuesday, Vlad and I got to go out and do Burrowing Owl surveys with Pete (some old biologist dude). We spent like 8-9 hours going to different sites of suitable BUOW habitat looking for BUOWS... but we didn't find any... NONE! BUT... we did see some awesome hawks... I saw a Ferrugenous Hawk...which was really exciting!!! Such beautiful raptors! I even got myself a hot binocular tan! Other than that day in the field, I've been in the office editing reports, entering data...oh...and more editing! This company is all about the parties though...wow... this Friday (tomorrow) again... we are having a party to officially integrate the two merged companies. It all starts at noon with lunch, then apparently the beer trolley starts coming around soon after to all offices/cubicles. Then at 2pm... mini bike races downtown and indoor mini golf throughout the office on all floors. Then at 4pm.. the real party begins... apparently with more drinks and more food. These people like to have SOCIAL time... and they like their beer!

Well... I really need to learn how to cut these down...sum things up... so that the entries are shorter... I promise... I'll work on that! I'll also work on learning how to type with real punctuation rather than many ..... !

Psalm 40:8 "I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

-Peace and Love-