In Between

I've neglected this blog for a couple of months and now I feel overwhelmed at how much I want to update it. I'd love to write about the grand finale of my undergrad days (all 7 years), my next steps, and this in between phase I'm currently experiencing. But at this point, I haven't even had a chance to really think let alone feel a certain way about this seemingly mega transition that is about to occur. To put it kid-like, I feel like a caterpillar about to morph into a butterfly... and I'm excited for the change, even not knowing what it'll be like to have my wings. But as for now - its the morphing stage.

On Friday, I wrote my last exam. 6 days of pack, pack, visit, pack, pack, ship, FedEx, ship, pack, bike shop, friends, kareoke, friends, saying goodbye, going home, unpacking, family, preparing, family, bus trip, friends, flight bookings, friends, eating, pack. Tomorrow, I'm flying to China. I'll be in the land I love for 4 weeks. Then I'll get to spend a week with my brothers + their wives + kids in the west, whom I haven't seen in over a year. I look forward to it. I hope that on the plane, I'll be able to spend time reflecting on the past 8 months of school, the finishing up of undergrad, and the new job in Whitehorse. Oh, I'm moving to Whitehorse to work after these travels. I'm also really excited to be there! But as for now...

The honest truth: I'm worried I won't love China as much as I did last time I was there. When I left China only 8 months ago, I was crying sobbing at the airport not wanting to leave. I was attached. I came back to Canada and still attached. I love China. But as I've gotten used to Canadian culture again, I'm worried that China won't be as familiar as I remember it to be. I'm worried that my Chinese will be so off/bad that no one will understand me. I'm worried I'll be overwhelmed by all the people. At the same time, I'm worried I'll love it so much that it'll be hard to come back like it was last time. I'm worried that I've created all these expectations for China that I can't seem to get rid of. But what trumps all these worries -- excitement and blessing. I am excited to see friends in China. I'm excited to eat the food, practice my Chinese, fumble, get lost, ask for directions, and take part in the evening gatherings at the city squares. And I am so thankful to be able to return to China. When I left, I had no idea when I'd be able to return and never once did I imagine that it'd be this soon!

So I'll say 再见(zai jian - goodbye) from Canada and I'll catch ya when I get back.