One or the Other

A couple weeks ago I walked into the Nissan dealership to look at the Versa - a compact and very affordable hatchback car. I test drove it and found it too small. After my test drive I walked into the dealership, returned the keys, and told the salesman that I wasn't interested but I'd like to check out the XTerra. The salesman looked at me funny and said "wow, you just went from one extreme to the other". Without thinking for a second, I immediately responded with "that's how I operate - one extreme or the other, I don't do the in between very well". He chuckled and talked my ear off about the XTerra - one of their most expensive and largest heavy - duty SUVs. 

Before then, I've never identified myself as a 'one extreme or another' type of person. But as I continued to think about the way I've approached situations, I started recognizing more and more that this balanced in-between zone doesnt really exist for me. I haven't talked to my sister about the psychology behind this and I'm not so sure it's a good thing. Balance is good and again - sometimes I wonder if I'm crossing that stupid line.

The first time I ever went overseas - I went alone to a country completely on the other side of Canada to a country where I had no idea the language, the culture, the food, and went without a plan. 

The first pair of high heels that I bought (which wasn't that long ago!) - I bought a couple days before needing to wear them. They were at least 4 inches high and I had never even worn a small heel before. I searched YouTube "how to walk in high heels" and every video said "start with a small 1-2 inch heel and once you're comfortable, try a higher heel". Oops. I skipped that in-between step so now I need to get from point A to M without B thru L!

Last time I lived in Whitehorse and once it got too cold to run outside, I decided to go to the gym. But I couldnt just go a few times a week, I had to go every day. Sometimes twice a day. I knew that if I didn't go every day, I wouldnt go at all. All or nothing.

Last year, KT and I did the Everest base camp trek. On day 2, this experienced trekker asked us if we were much into trekking. "errr...no? not really. no, not at all." Why start training on a smaller trek with lower altitudes?

Tonight during my tennis lesson, the instructor said to me "Kathleen, you hit either really hard or too soft, you're on either extreme, you need to find a good in between shot."  I told him that this issue also translated into other aspects of my life - not just tennis. 

So what is it? I often think that it's because my lack of patience and stubbornness and the expectations I have for myself, which sometimes just sets me up for disaster. When I get an idea in my head and want to do it - it's hard to stop myself. Thankfully, I have more level-headed friends who keep me from crossing that stupid line, but often my stubbornness carries me through. And because I'm impatient, I'd rather just do what I have in mind without having to wait, train, plan, or prepare. Why start with shorter bars when you can initially set the bar high and try your best? The only downfall to this is failing because you've set an unrealistic high bar for yourself. I guess the ideal is that balance point, which I haven't really figured out yet.